Friday, 24 October 2008

By the Hand

There is a song on the Jane Saunders' CD "In His Hands" which moves me to tears every time I hear it; not just quiet, gentle tears, but heavy, heaving, heart-breaking sobs.  Because every time I hear it, my heart breaks.

In By the Hand, she sings memories of her Grandma; from the tuneless whistle she remembers  from her childhood, to the glistening, aging eyes and the final slipping away.  She longs for the time when she will hold her Grandma's hand once more.

It's this line that floors me each time, 
"And I sang Amazing Grace while the shadow of a smile crossed her lips".
My Grandma has glistening, aging eyes.  She is old now and in a nursing home.  Last Christmas, I took her by the hand and I sang and I sang and I sang but there was no shadow of a smile.  I sang the carols she loved us to play for her at Christmas when she used to sing and we used to laugh.  But there was no smile.  And she did not laugh.  And she did not ask for one more.  Her glistening, aging eyes looked through us and past us and she did not know.

I would love to take her by the hand; but I cannot.  I would love to tell her I still love her; but I cannot.

And so I cry.

And I long for the day when I shall take her by the hand and we shall sing once more.  And until then, she is in His Hands.  And I shall wait. 


Bron said...

Your description of Grandma is very powerful, Rach. I know exactly what you mean - you have moved me to tears.

Jennie Baddeley said...

I loved this post.